I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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