I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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