so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
