I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I would ride that face into the sunset
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
