haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize