Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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