I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
