goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
