I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
