Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
