No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
