I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
