Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize