Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
