The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i believe in u and ur pee
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
