: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
