Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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