Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
