well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
