I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
