I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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