At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize
