At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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