i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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