bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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