Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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