I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
