There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
