I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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