I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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