Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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