I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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