Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
