Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
