Got a toothbrush?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
