Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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