your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
