marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
