I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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