I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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