omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
