I wish I only lived at night.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
