he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
