You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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