I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
