I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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