girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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