So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
there was a trapeze. enough said
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Randomize
