My underwear smells like fireworks.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
