I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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