In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
