As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
