you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Randomize
