His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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