During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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