Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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