I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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