im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
