Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
