Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize