hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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