Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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