I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I cut my penus on the lid.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize