Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
