It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
