At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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