never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
