God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
