so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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