I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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