I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize