hotel room ftw
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
