bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
