it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
