I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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