How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
